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| Actors at the Jewel Box Theatre in Seattle adore me. |
Thomas Brophy, the director/actor of the Seattle Readers, a theater group with a cast of ever changing proportions, wrote a month ago to tell me my play, "The Accordion," was the 'hit of the night!" The group, which performs works at the Jewel Box Theatre (Rendezvous Theatre) in the 'Bell-town' area north of downtown Seattle, is always on the lookout for new material. They accepted three excerpts from my comedy screenplays: The Accordion, How To Shear A Sheep, and Forget You?! http://www.theatrereaders.com/
The Accordion has to do with a young man (Manuel Landau Lopez) who is separated from his parents during the French invasion of Mexico, and the end of a curse that has affected the Landau family for over two thousand years. Manuel, separated from his parents at age six, and raised by coyotes, is not used to the ways of human beings. Since his childhood he has worn a locket with the image of a carriage and a Star of David incised upon it, which is a clue to his name and heritage. Unbeknownst to Manuel, his parents, after he was separated from them during their escape from French cavalry (they were gun runners), have become pirates. His mother, an imposing woman named Francesca, has become the captain of a pirate ship she has renamed 'The Chutzpah.' Manuel's father, a small man named Emilio who has a lexicon-like vocabulary, is Francesca's second in command. Francesca, owing to her small vocabulary, often snaps her fingers to have Emilio provide her with the most fitting word to express herself.
Manuel leaves his adoptive coyote parents when he is a teenager, and shortly thereafter he falls in love with Lucretia, a beautiful Gypsy girl, entranced by her wonderful accordion song. Her accordion has been passed down for a number of years, and the song she plays is the one she learned from her parents and they before them, all the way back to Germany, when an ancestor of Manuel seduced his housekeeper and got her pregnant. Because of that ancestor's rejection of Lucretia's ancestor, and the death of the child, there is a curse upon the Landau family that can only be righted by a marriage of the two families. Otherwise, the curse goes on forever, and like Manuel's ancient family member - King David, the first born child will die. Manuel and Lucretia, directed by a fortune teller in Mexico, go to the coast and are kidnapped by Manuel's parents. They are forced to scrub the decks despite Lucretia being two months pregnant with Manuel's child. Francesca decides to sell "Manny" and Lucretia to Pirate Bruce, but after they are sold she sees the locket Emilio has taken from Manuel. Francesca, Emilio, and the crew of the Chutzpah pursue Pirate Bruce to rescue Manuel and Lucretia. On an island where Pirate Bruce and his crew are trying to locate Red Beard's treasure, Manuel and his parents are reunited.
How To Shear A Sheep is the story of Willis Sweets, Laura Lee Boggs, and Charlie Settler's journey west from Key West, Florida, to return a peridot engagement ring to Lester McDougal (Curly), the largest sheep rancher in the state of Wyoming. The ring was given to Willis's aunt, Ginnie, by the rancher when she was young. On her deathbed Ginnie makes Willis swear he will return the ring. Willis, after her death receives an inheritance Ginnie has kept from him that once belonged to his father: a sheep shear, a cowboy hat, and a useless antique Colt pistol. Willis is informed by the lawyer he is being evicted from his aunt's trailer, and his cash inheritance after back taxes, lawyer fees, his aunt's funeral expenses, and late trailer rental fees - amounts to less than fifty dollars.
Willis and Laura Lee are fired from a Walmart store due to their ongoing trysts while they are supposed to be working. Willis, seeing his management trainee career is gone, and having no recourse, decides he must rob a bank to stay afloat. He talks Laura Lee into giving him a ride to the bank, without telling her of his plan. Escaping in Laura Lee's Nova, they fishtail into an alley to elude a police car. Laura Lee, wracked with guilt and horror at being a fugitive, tosses the bulk of the stolen money out the window. It lands in the lap of Charlie Settler, a homeless Harvard educated Native American. Charlie, thinking his prayers have been answered, heads to a bar to celebrate.
Willis and Laura Lee find Charlie in the bar and the threesome strike a deal to head west to Wyoming. The following day, Willis trades in the Nova for a used Jeep Wagoneer. They begin a hilarious trip across America, with opposing and poignant comments from Willis and Charlie, mechanical breakdowns, robberies, and Laura Lee serving as the peace maker. They stop at a bar and Willis and Charlie are offered jobs on a seismograph crew. The news elates Laura Lee, but Willis isn't sold on the idea of taking the job. As they argue about it while driving in downtown Farson, Wyoming Willis is distracted and runs down the town drunk. When the police show up, Laura Lee takes the blame. The drunk is none other than Lester McDougal, Willis's aunt's former beau, the richest sheep rancher in Wyoming. Due to his being so inebriated, Lester only sustains a broken leg, and when Laura Lee takes the blame for running Lester down, he does not press charges and insists she come to help him recover and live at his ranch. Seeing Laura Lee's good fortune, Willis suggests she extort cash from Lester, but she is uncooperative. Willis and Charlie accept the seismograph crew jobs, and begin blasting with dynamite to find oil and gas deposits. They fail in this job within a few days, and come to Lester's ranch to beg for jobs shearing sheep. Because of Laura Lee, Lester allows them to learn the trade from a ranch hand.
During the time Laura Lee works as Lester's nurse, Lester notices the peridot ring she is wearing. She tells him she is Aunt Ginnie's niece, and that Ginny has died in Key West, Florida. Lester refuses to take the peridot ring back, confesses his love for her, and asks her to marry him. Laura Lee agrees, and tells Willis, who is livid about the development when he learns she means to go through with it. He is also angry about his ineptness at shearing sheep, and he enlists Charlie's help in kidnapping Laura Lee on the eve of her wedding. They take her to the Killpecker Dunes, and hide out until Lester brings the money. During the night, Laura Lee tries to escape, and she blows up the Wagoneer with dynamite.
On the agreed day, Lester has his men camouflage themselves with sagebrush, and lets Willis and Charlie know he has the three million dollar ransom money. Willis and Charlie arrive and are captured by Lester and his ranch hands, but before Lester and his men can hang them, the truth comes out that Willis is Aunt Ginnie's nephew, not Laura Lee. Lester says it doesn't matter, and that the wedding is still on. Willis and Charlie are released, on the condition they agree to clean up the metal shards of the Wagoneer that litters Lester's property. Willis finds a bundle of dynamite from their first job in Wyoming, and blows a hole looking for water. He and Charlie find themselves in a shower of oil, and, thinking they are rich, they dance in celebration. But they have simply ruptured an oil pipeline, and they must hightail it back to Florida to avoid the law.
Forget You?! is the story of David Honeyman reconciling with Jack, his Alzheimer's diseased father during a long Easter weekend. David, a neurotic sports writer, is sure his father hates him, and yet he realizes this is his last chance to make the emotional connection he's never had. When David, and his wife, Lisa, and their young daughter, Kristin, arrive at David's parent's house, David learns that his father's truck needs a battery. He decides this is a perfect opportunity to make the emotional segue, and he takes Jack to an auto parts store. Jack has to pee, and despite David trying to prevent his father from peeing in the aisle of the store, Jack pees in an empty gas can. David buys the gas can, and the battery, and Jack insists on driving home, though it is David's car. They narrowly avoid getting in an accident, but they eventually arrive back at Jack and Barbara Honeyman's home.
David' mother, Barbara, takes Lisa and Kristin shopping. Barbara buys Kristin a kitten. Later that night, David puts the kitten's cage by a back door. Barbara trips over the cage and cuts her head. They take Barbara to a hospital and she spends the night. Lisa insists that David sleep with Jack to keep him company. Wigged out by this experience, David decides he will tough it out despite Jack's illness. Encouraged by the progress he is making with his father, David decides to take a few days off. During this time they all go to a mall; Lisa, Barbara, and Kristen go shopping, while David and Jack go to a movie.
While at the movie theater, David goes to the concession stand, and leaves Jack alone in the theater. When he returns, Jack has wandered away, hoping to find his girlfriend, (Barbara). Jack boards a bus and the driver drops him off at the hospital. Jack wanders into a room that has recently been occupied, and goes to sleep. The staff mistakes Jack for another patient and prepares him for surgery. When David, Lisa, and Kristen go the hospital, hoping to find Jack and pick up Barbara, they find Jack being wheeled down an hallway en route to the surgery.
As David and his family prepare to leave the following day, Jack tells David he loves him.
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